Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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