the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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