that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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