My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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