Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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