I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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