The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
