take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
