sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
