You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
