Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
