I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
