did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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