he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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