it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
