Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
