yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
