Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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