I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize