There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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