I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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