Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
