y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
