Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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