He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
