Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
