Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
