So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
