I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
