Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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