I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
