If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
