i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
