hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
