i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
