just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
