It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
