I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
