U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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