how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
