I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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