Your dad touched me again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
