I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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