she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
