Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
