I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
