I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize