Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
