as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize