Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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