Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
