Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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