if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
