I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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