Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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