I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
