i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
