he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
