also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
