Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Couch. On fire.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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