cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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