We're facebook friends in real life
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
